From Courtly Love to Sliding Into DMs: A Brief (and Bumpy) History of Romance

Love has never been simple. From the sighing troubadours of the Middle Ages to the swipe-left heartbreaks of today, the pursuit of romance has always been a slightly ridiculous, occasionally noble, and usually awkward affair. These days, romance means roses, emojis, and maybe a confusing situationship or two. But rewind to the 1500s, and romance looked more like an elaborate chess match—with your cousin. Yep, courtly love was less Netflix and chill and more lute-playing and strategic land mergers.

Back in the 1500s, asking someone out wasn’t as simple as “Hey, want to grab coffee?” First of all, coffee wasn't even a thing in Europe yet (unless you were very well-traveled and very suspicious to the Inquisition). If you fancied someone in Tudor times, your options included: writing a very poetic love letter full of metaphors involving roses, chastity, and the occasional unicorn; dueling someone in their honor; or—if you were royalty—marrying them to secure a political alliance, whether you liked them or not. Tinder had nothing on royal treaties.

Sex, of course, was another story. In the 1500s, it was strictly for marriage—or so the Church very loudly said. But spoiler alert: people have always found creative ways to ignore rules. From secret trysts in castle gardens to the occasional "oops, we tripped and fell into bed," human beings have always had a talent for mixing passion with peril. This was also the golden age of the chastity belt, which historians now believe were more myth than metal. Let’s just say the idea of locking up desire was more symbolic than practical—and still didn’t work.

Marriage was a business deal wrapped in lace. Dowries, titles, and social standing played a much bigger role than chemistry or butterflies. Your average 16th-century bride might’ve met her husband for the first time at the altar—or while being introduced to him as “Your betrothed, Lord Smells-Like-Goat, Duke of Dandruff.” Love often came after marriage, if at all. For the upper classes, emotional connection was optional. For peasants, it was more like: “We both have teeth and three chickens, let’s make this work.”

Flash forward to modern times and romance has done a complete 180. Now we expect our partners to be soulmates, best friends, co-therapists, TikTok collaborators, and emotionally fluent snack providers. We marry for love (or at least a decent vibe and Spotify compatibility), and if things go south, there's no need for annulments from the Pope—just a divorce lawyer and some solid Wi-Fi. Intimacy today involves open conversations, consent, and an endless stream of dating advice from people named "Coach Brad."

While the methods may have changed—from candlelit ballads to group texts—the longing behind it all remains the same. Whether you’re reciting sonnets beneath a balcony or decoding an emoji that may or may not mean “I love you,” romance is still messy, magical, and hopelessly human. The heart wants what it wants. And sometimes, it wants someone to walk through the rain with you—and not because there’s no indoor plumbing.